Matt's Newsletter Dot Com - Archive

#005 - The Maryland Issue

#004 - The August Issue

#003 - The Third Issue

#002 - The Patriot Issue

#001 - The Inaugral Issue

#000 - Soft Launch


Matt's Newsletter

The Third Issue

Issue #003 - July 24th, 2024

Welcome to The Third Issue of Matt's Newsletter, a publication that few thought would ever happen and even fewer thought would last this long.

We're now just over one month from the Ingural Issue, with no end in sight. Matt's brain is absolutely overflowing with content ideas, and you readers are the lucky few that get to reap the rewards.

Our Featured Article in this issue is titled Karpov v. Korchnoi - The 1978 Chess World Championship Match. Some readers may see chess content and instinctively scroll by - however, no actual chess is discussed in the article. This is about the absolute buffoonery that went down, with all the ridiculousness that came along with it. And, get ready, it's a long one!

This issue also includes a contribution from my one and only sibling, Chris! He'll take you through a dramatic retelling of a gator hunt in the swamps of South Carolina.

In light of recent events, we also take a look at some lesser known, but still interesting, attempts that have been made against the lives of the President. Matt's Newsletter is, for regulatory purposes, against all forms of political violence!



Against all odds, Matt's Newsletter has reached sixty-seven (67) subscribers! Two off from the funny number, but we'll get there!

The reviews are in - critics are raving about Matt's Newsletter! Below is a snippet from the review by infamous lifestyle critic, Patrick Lynch -

"A newsletter comprised of interesting factual information; often riddled with inaccuracies and fictitious statements, various articles which are thinly related to each other with wildly differing writing styles, sprinkled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Matt's Newsletter is hard to read but even harder to put down."

"Each word jumps out of the page and poses the reader introspective questions like "What possesses someone to put so much time into this?", "What drugs are these people on?" And the most important question of them all, "Who is this Matt guy and why is he emailing me?". The wild mix of confusion and enthrallment that Matt's Newsletter delivers has totally captivated my mind and I cannot wait for the next issue."

Massive shout out to my friends Lindsey and Sydney! Without their constant "Where's the Newsletter?" texts and bullying, the Newsletter would be nowhere close to where it is today!

As always, be sure to forward this email to those who would enjoy this content. Want a pro tip? You can actually forward them the email from your mail client, to their phone number! How crazy is it that that works?

Table of Contents

  • Karpov v. Korchnoi - The 1978 Chess World Championship Match
  • Epic Blackwater Gator Pursuit - A Carolina Lowcountry Tall Tale
  • Reviewing Attempted Presidential [REDACTED]

  • Karpov v. Korchnoi - The 1978 Chess World Championship Match

    The Chess World Championship is the highest-stakes event in the chess world. Two players are pitted against each other - one being the reigning champion defending their title, the other being a challenger that has come out on top of several brutal qualification tournaments. They engage in what can be considered as one of the greatest tests of mental fortitude and endurance that humanity has ever devised.

    The format was the first player to win six (6) games would win the match. Drawn games, which are extremely common at the top level, would not count for either player. In practice, this meant that the match could, theoretically, go forever. If the two players just drew their games over and over, the match wouldn't end. One player needed to get six (6) wins for it to end.

    For a single game, each player would be allotted two (2) hours of time. After forty moves played, each player would have an additional hour added to their clock. Single games could, and would, last upwards of five (5) or six (6) hours.

    In 1978, the International Chess Federation (FIDE) selected the Philippines to host the World Championship Match. This article, however, is not about the moves that were played on the board - rather, this article is about the absolute spectacle that came along with it. What happened over the next ninety (90) in Baguio easily goes down as the most strange and accusatory World Championship that has ever been played, or ever will be.

    Enter the Challenger: Korchnoi

    Victor Korchnoi was a five-time Soviet Chess Champion when he qualified for the 1978 World Championship match. At 47 years old, he was the second highest rated player in the world. He played an aggressive, attacking style of chess, creating imbalances and tactical possibilities throughout every game he played. Aggressive play, such as his, had become less popular in recent decades in response to the cold and calculated Soviet “Scientific School,” but Korchnoi continued to breathe life into the style long after the first claims of its ineffectiveness.

    The year prior to the match, Korchnoi had defected from the Soviet Union while playing in, and winning, a tournament in Amsterdam. With help from his fellow grandmasters, Korchnoi was escorted to the police station where he formally applied for political asylum. He managed to smuggle out the entirety of his chess library, and settled in Switzerland.

    Enter the Champion: Karpov

    Anatoly Karpov acquired the World Champion title in 1975 after American grandmaster Bobby Fischer declined to defend. Karpov had beaten most of the best players in the world to qualify for the match. With Fischer absent, FIDE decided award the title to Karpov, crowning him the World Champion. Because he got the title in such a fashion, he was very self conscious and was determined to prove that he was worthy of the title. This match against Korchnoi would be his first opportunity to officially defend himself.

    Karpov was a poster boy for Soviet Chess - he had lead the Soviets to multiple victories in team championships around the world, and was vocally supportive of the Soviet government and communism overall. He employed an unrelenting, restricting play style. A style often referred to as “Russian School Boy Chess,” Karpov refused to create any sort of weakness or opening for his opponents. This would lead to his opponents over extending while trying to create some attacking opportunity, but also allow Karpov to deliver a punishing counter-attack. At the time of the match, he was the highest rated player in the world. His killer trait? Staring his opponent directly in the eyes during the game, rather than study the board.

    Songs, Flags, Yogurts and Handshakes

    The stage is set - Soviet-Defector Crazy-Chess Enjoying Korchnoi verses Communism-Fan Ultra-Calculated Karpov, in a chess match where each game lasts five hours and can theoretically go on forever. Let's go!

    Before the first move was played, there were already several controversies in play. During the opening ceremonies, each player was allowed to select a song to be played during their introduction. Korchnoi had selected the “Ode to Joy” from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Karpov had selected the Soviet National Anthem to be played. However, a miscommunication between the conductor and the band led to them playing “The Internationale,” the theme song for the ideals and struggle of global communism. The Soviet Union had dropped The Internationale as its official anthem in the 1940s, replacing it with the Soviet Anthem. Many in the Soviet Delegation were unsure what to do, eventually standing for the song because they figured that was the option that made them look the least bad. Korchnoi stayed seated.

    Additionally, controversy on which country's flag Korchnoi would be allowed to have with him at the table. The Soviets objected to him displaying the Swiss flag at the table, while Korchnoi refused to fly the red hammer and sickle. For some reason, FIDE consulted with legal scholars on the matter, (what law is this about?) before deciding that neither player would be allowed a flag. Both parties begrudgingly agreed, and the match began. The first game ended in a draw.

    During the second game, Karpov's team delivered to him a blueberry yogurt at the board. Korchnoi instantly objected to this, claiming that the yogurt could be some sort of code. Below is a photograph of the waiter who delivered the yogurt to Karpov.

    One thing to know about Soviet chess is that it was an absolute machine. They were cranking out top tier talent like no other country before or since. And, most terrifyingly, they played as a team. Top grandmasters would study together, analyzing each others games and pointing out weaknesses. This is a stark contrast from other countries, where top players would hide their notes and theories in an effort to maintain a leg up on the competition.

    So basically, Korchnoi is implying that there are a bunch of Soviet grandmasters behind closed doors somewhere, studying the game as it is played. Some nondescript Russian boy is running between the playing hall and the analysis room, telling the secretly-studying grandmasters what latest move was played. And if those grandmasters find something, a move or an idea, they could deliver the message to Karpov via the type of berry in the yogurt. Something like a blueberry yogurt means “Move the Knight” while a strawberry yogurt could mean “Play Defensively, You're In Trouble.” The arbiters declined his objection, and game two ended in a draw. Another yogurt was delivered during move seventeen of game three, which lead to the arbiters meeting and agreeing that, in future games, Karpov could “receive a snack at a fixed time, and that Korchnoi would be notified before the game if it would not be a violet colored yogurt.”

    The two would go on to draw five more games, seven total played. All draws. Consider that a chess grandmaster can burn thousands of calories during a match, and now it had been going on for over a week without either player winning a single game. Keep in mind, six wins are needed to win the match.

    As the players sat down to play game eight, Karpov did something that was frankly unprecedented - he refused to shake Korchnoi's hand! Karpov straight up left Korchnoi hanging. This had never happened before at a World Championship. A handshake before the game had been considered integral to the sport for over a hundred years at that point. Additionally, it was expressly written in the rules! Korchnoi had the right to call the arbiter and force Karpov to shake his hand, otherwise Karpov may face a full-on forfeit. Korchnoi did try, but the arbiter started the clocks regardless and they began to play. After a testy twenty-eight (28) move game, Karpov gained a decisive positional advantage - Korchnoi resigned. Karpov had gotten in Korchnoi's head. The score was now 1-0.

    “Never! Never will I shake hands with you!” - Anatoly Karpov

    Enter the Soviet Military Hypnotherapist: Dr. Zukhar

    "The Soviets may have decided to forgo such detectable methods as chemical agents: for this match, they are using the services of a parapsychologist, Vladimir Zukhar, a Soviet citizen sometimes stationed in Washington, D.C. Comrade Zukhar sits in one of the first few rows of the auditorium and stares unwaveringly at Korchnoi. Hypnotized or not, Korchnoi is annoyed; he has complained to the match referee but without success. Korchnoi's supporters around the world are asked to concentrate their thoughts on Comrade Zukhar beginning at 5:00 P.M., Baguio time, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."

    Dr. Vladmir Petrovich Zukhar joined the military during the Second World War. He was obsessed with the human mind, becoming a renowned psychologist for the Soviet Navy. Brought on to Team Karpov for the 1978 match, he was there in Bagiuo to supposedly to aid the World Champion with his insomnia and help him fall asleep - at least, that was the official story from the Soviet Government. Dr. Zukhar was no stranger to Korchnoi - the Doctor was a well known specialist in the Soviet Union, made famous by his work helping cosmonauts cope with the psychological affects of space travel. At this point in history, the concept of a “sports psychologist” was well known and accepted, so Dr. Zukhar was allowed into the Philippines without much protest from Team Korchnoi.

    However, his purpose in Baguio was a bit more dastardly. Zukhar himself saw his main task as “psychophysiological support for Karpov, including assistance in seizing the psychological initiative during the match.”

    “Having studied me perfectly, Zukhar could catch the slightest nuances in changes in behavior while playing, which indicated fatigue, nervousness, despondency... This was important in order to later give his recommendations on how to sit how to walk, think, finally.” - Anatoly Karpov

    Many outside the Soviet Delegation would question his true role on the team after just the first few matches. Dr. Zukhar would show up to the playing hall, positioning himself in one of the front rows of seating, and simply stare at Korchnoi the entire game. Terms that were used to describe this stare include inquisitively, persistently, and hypnotizingly. Beginning on the first game of the match, Zukhar would show up every single day and just stare at Korchnoi throughout the duration of the game. Western media began circulating news of the “mysterious telepathic hypnotist” present for the match. The next five games would be a veritable game of musical chairs played by Russian psychologist, moving ever closer to the first row, and never averting his hypnotic stare.

    “Dr. Zukhar fixed an unbroken stare upon Korchnoi during the entire 39 minutes which Karpov devoted to [his 15th] move; Korchnoi seemed not to notice." - Ed Edmondson, President of the US Chess Federation

    However, Korchnoi definitely noticed. He had complained to the arbiters earlier in the match about Zukhar and his trickery. With the initial protests ignored, Korchnoi and his team had come-up with a counter to Zukhar's stare by game seven - mirrored sunglasses. The theory was that any sort of psychic energy coming from Zukhar would be redirected by the mirrors, while also having the added benefit of freaking out Karpov. The moment where Korchnoi first put on the mirror sunglasses was, thankfully, captured for posterity - Karpov can do nothing but look into the crowd.

    Korchnoi finally would file a formal objection to the presence of Dr. Zukhar, to which the arbiters declined on the grounds that Korchnoi could not prove that Zukhar was affecting him. Just two games later, Zukhar was sat in the seventh row, “surrounded by groups of young Philippine women,” and continued to stare at Korchnoi. Members of Korchnoi's team, and even family, found themselves in the stands trying to counter-act Zukhar's energy.

    In game sixteen, Dr. Zukhar was sat in the fourth row with Korchnoi's then-manager-but-later-wife, Petra Leeuwerik, sat directly behind Zukhar in the fifth row. Leeuwerik “kicked and tickled” Zukhar throughout the game, attempting to disrupt any psychic forces. Before the start of game seventeen, Korchnoi finally put his foot down and demand that Zukhar be moved into one of the further back rows, even going as far as refusing to play. After an eleven minute delay, the arbiters declared that no one would be allowed to sit in rows one through seven. Korchnoi still was not happy, however - he claimed to have spoken to a “Cambridge Academic” who informed him that he could still be hypnotized from such a distance. However, Korchnoi's mental fortitude was fried by the time the clocks started. He would go on to lose game seventeen, leaving the score at 4-1. A photograph of the meeting with the arbiters is depicted below.

    “No matter what your jury thinks the rules say, I tell you this man disturbs me. If he is not moved within 10 minutes, then I will move him!” - Victor Korchnoi

    The players and arbiters reached the following agreement after game seventeen (17): Zukhar would need to remain in his assigned seat with the rest of the Soviet Delegation, and Korchnoi would need to stop wearing his mirrored sunglasses.

    Several people and groups were brought to the Baguio to help try and counter Zukhar's psychic energy. At first, Team Korchnoi employed their own Israeli military psychologist, Dr. Vladmir Bergina, to mind-battle Zukhar. This achieved little result. The next idea was to bring in roughly twenty psychology students to surround Zukhar in the audience, a sort of “containment” boundary. The students were complained about by Karpov and removed, but Korchnoi already had already felt that these fledgling students were no match for the powerful Zukhar.

    “Zukhar was sitting near the stage; all five hours without moving. It was obvious that he worked with Karpov every day, conducting hypnotic sessions before the game. I started hiding from Zukhar... The fight with Zukhar continued throughout the match. My men tried to distract his attention during the game. In response, the Soviets strengthened his security. KGB agents did not allow anyone close to Zukhar.” - Victor Korchnoi

    Enter the Sectarians: Dwyer and Shepherd

    Steven Dywer and Victoria Shepherd were American members of the Ananda Marga, an Indian sect. Known also as Dada and Didi, the couple had been convicted of attempted murder in the Philippines just months prior for stabbing an Indian diplomat. Their motive was to draw public attention to one of their leaders who was imprisoned by the Indian government, however they were instantly arrested by Philippine authorities, tried, and sentenced to seventeen years in prison, each. Out on bail while appealing their case, Team Korchnoi invited the hippies to attend game eighteen of the match.

    Entering the playing hall wearing white turbans and saffron robes, Dywer spent much of the game meditating while Shepherd focused on Zukhar and the players. Leeuwerik ensured that the two were seated as close at possible to Zukhar, despite protests from the KGB and other Soviet Authorities. When the seats near Zukhar were taken, they would sit on the floor of the playing hall, doing yoga poses and meditating. Korchnoi recounts that Zukhar, in reaction to the presence of the Ananda Marga members in the playing hall, “covering his face with a scarf, Zukhar left the hall, followed by other members of the Soviet group.”

    Over the next four days, the couple stayed with Korchnoi and taught lessons in transcendental meditation. Arriving at the playing hall for game nineteen, Shepherd was allowed in after a bag search. Dywer would only be let in after an intervention from Leeuwerik, with Leeuwerik stating that he had as much right as Zukhar to be here. Before game twenty, the arbiters met again and decided to disallow the sectarians from entering - in protest, Leeuwerik and her daughter wore saffron colored dresses during game twenty one. However, their time in the playing hall and work with Korchnoi seemed to have stem Zukhar's powers - Korchnoi would win three of the next ten games, eventually tying the score at 5-5.

    They yogis continued to stay with Korchnoi for the next few weeks, which included more lessons and even appearing on American television demonstrating yoga exercises, live from the Philippines.

    Endgame

    After thirty one (31) games and three months, the two players were tied at 5-5. The next person to win would win the title. Game thirty two was a hard fight in the opening, but a clarified middle game showed a winning position for Karpov. Korchnoi resigned the game and, in turn, the match. Anatoly Karpov would retain his world champion title.

    Zukhar would go on to hold several high offices in the Russian psychology community, retiring in 1990, later passing in 2005 at the age of 81. The fate of the Ananda Marga members is lost to time.


    Epic Blackwater Gator Pursuit - A Carolina Lowcountry Tall Tale

    The hot and thick air along the Waccamaw River was cut by little but the low purr of the skiff's engine and the swooshing saw grass that barricaded our party within this murky waterway. We had been traveling for some time in search of alligators; a fool's errand, considering the subtle nature of these beasts. Only an eye so trained or especially keen in the moment could spot one among the muck that coats the water's edge, and even then, the alligator can vanish so immediately that it will strike the observer with such profound doubt that they had even spotted it in the first place. Indeed, a gator hunting crew must be comprised of only the most steeled individuals - those who do not mind being on a boat, and especially those who do not mind getting wet. Our captain, Bill, had an eye for the beasts ever since he came down Gator Alley from Ohio to play the big game. As he aged he became more desperate for gator encounters in his life, such as how in a single hunt, the balance of the hunters slowly favors eagerness over fear as the more time passes without a sighting. Old Bill would get his wish today.

    We continued through an old plantation. These hallowed rice fields were dotted with truncation machinery - a grim reminder of obsolete irrigation techniques. As Bill told the history of the land, the first sense of danger loomed. The boat had collided with a log in the water, and during the chaos, my empty plastic water bottle fell out of my hand and below my seat. I panicked and reached for it, praying that it hadn't rolled back and reached the feet of the woman behind me. I heard the clack of the plastic and her shoes shuffled - "Dear God, I'm going to have to interact with a stranger on a tour boat", I thought. The boat then lurched, and my water bottle was rolled back to my hands. I picked it up and stared straight ahead - the first crisis had been averted. Though before I could recover, an engine roared around the bend ahead. It was two local youths in their speedboat, ostensibly going much faster than we were. Then, as soon as they had appeared, they vanished behind another brush. I do not know where they were going, I only wish I could have warned them that there are gators lurking in the water.

    Bill was cracking jokes when it happened. A woman three rows back and across the aisle was the first to see it. "There's one!" she shouted, as the adventure crew whipped their heads around to sight the foul creature. And there it was, poking out of the water with a tiny little snout and stupid looking eyes. Eighty teeth in that head, and enough bite force to snap a braided steel cable, yet I was not scared. My fear was partly removed by the buffoonish appearance of the animal, but mostly by the sheer chillness of it. I looked into its eyes and it communicated to me an instant telepathic message that read as follows: "I would just like to hang out in the swamp all day."

    Accepting his humble plea, I relaxed myself and began enjoying the scenery, taking a page from his book. I pondered why I had spent most of the ride staring at the water's edge looking for an alligator when I could've just gone to the alligator part of the zoo that we were visiting. I took my girlfriend's phone so I could take pictures of things. I like to leave my phone at home sometimes because it feels totally 90's. I continued my sightseeing until our vessel docked itself and we were let off back into the zoo. My epic river adventure had concluded, and I went from having seen no gators in my life to having seen four. With this accomplishment in mind, we marched off to the visitors' center. I enjoyed another frozen strawberry daiquiri and my roast beef sandwich from earlier. As the wining and dining dialed down, a sentiment in favor of flight sprung up. I was in full support, desperate for a shower to aid my sore sunburn and surreptitious swamp-ass. As we neared the shuttle stop, another hunting party that numbered at least 26 filled the shuttle completely, so we embarked on one final march through the sunny sun to get to the car. As I lay in the car exhausted, I realized that despite the gator's lack of hostility, we had been at odds, and he had won.


    Reviewing Attempted Presidential [REDACTED]

    Political violence is something that the United States of America rarely sees, universally decried when it does rear its ugly head. The peaceful transition of power is a tenant that this country was built on, and it's pretty freaking crazy when things happen that throw this ideal out of wack. Over the quarter millennium that America has been rocking, we've seen our fair share of attempts against the lives of people holding the highest office in the land. Some successful, many not so much.

    Four (4) presidents killed in office, three (3) presidents wounded, and sixteen (16) attempts thwarted or otherwise unsuccessful. Out of forty-six (46) presidents total, it comes out to exactly half (50%, how fun is that!! Love math) have been attempted on. In a response to the events in Pennsylvania earlier this month, we've decided to take a dive into the hatched-yet-botched plots that have threatened the lives of former or serving presidents throughout history. The Editorial Board has made the determination that using the “a” word may land the Newsletter on a Secret Service list - hence, the subject will be talked-around and redacted where necessary.

    Andrew Jackson

    It had rained the day before, and the stone steps leading up to the capital building were a bit slippery. Andrew Jackson and his entourage hustled up them regardless, visiting the Capital Building to attend a congressional funeral being held within.

    A thirty-five year old down-on-his-luck house painter named Richard Lawrence hid behind one of the forty Doric-style columns out front of the building. In his hands were two revolver pistols, wielded akimbo. As the president walked by, Lawrence swung himself out from behind the cover, took aim with one of the guns, and fired.

    The gunpowder inside the round, however, failed to ignite. Misfire! Jackson raised his cane defiantly, as his body guards moved to apprehend the assailant. Lawrence pulled up the second pistol and fired again - all to realize that, again, it was a misfire! Jackson proceeded to severely beat Lawrence with his cane, with some accounts stating that the body guards didn't have to put a finger on the shooter, and in fact had to pull the president away lest the attacker be killed. Lawrence was found not guilty by reason of insanity, spending the remainder of his days in a 19th century insane asylum. Scary!

    Zachary Taylor

    While not proven, there are theories that Zachary Taylor's death was no accident - he was poisoned. He died from an illness that was diagnosed as cholera morbus, dying on July 9th, 1850. The official story is that he caught the diseases from eating cherries and milk during a 4th of July Day celebration. Immediately after his death, however claims that he was poisoned by pro-slavery Southerners began to spread around the country. The “Cherries and Milk Conspiracy” ran through many pro-Union circles, and was another straw on the proverbial camel's back that was America leading up to the Civil War.

    Abraham Lincoln

    While most of our readers are aware of Lincoln's demise at the hands of John Wilkes Booth, less are aware of the attempt a year prior to the fateful night at Ford's Theater. It should come with no surprise that many in the country were not happy with Lincoln's policies. One night in August 1864, a lone gunperson decided to take matters into their own hands.

    Lincoln was speeding down the streets of Washington DC in an unprotected horse drawn carriage. To give himself some space and down time from the hectic war-room that was the White House, he spent his nights at the “Soldiers' Home,” a building five (5) kilometers north. It had been dark already for a few hours - Lincoln was clocking out for the day well past 10 PM.

    By all measurements, it should've been a peaceful ride. The cool summer night air whooshing past his face as he rode, the occasional “HEE YA” from Lincoln to make his horses run faster. It was a nice moment, Lincoln would need to go to bed right when he got there because of an early meeting the next day - he enjoyed this respite.

    As his mind wandered, a sniper's bullet tore through the night sky toward the president. Gunshots rang through the streets of DC. Lincoln, ever the apt carriage driver, moved in a serpentine pattern to give his assailant the least likelihood of hitting him. The bullets did hit something, however - his signature top hat. The hat was blown off his head and into the streets. Lincoln did not stop to get it - he had dozens more in his closet. John W. Nichols, a member of the Pennsylvania 150th Volunteers, was stationed at the Soldiers' Home as sentry that night. His retelling of events includes hearing several rifle shots ring out, and moments later a “bareheaded” Lincoln zooming towards him.

    Theodore Roosevelt

    After already serving as president from 1904-1908, Theodore Roosevelt found himself once again running a campaign for the 1912 election. A candidate for the Progressive Party, also known as the Bull Moose Party, he was campaigning in Milwaukee when New York saloon-keeper John Schrank shot Roosevelt in the chest. The bullet was slowed by his fifty-page speech folded over twice in his breast pocket along with a metal glasses case.

    Before the crowd could murder the assailant, Roosevelt shouted for the man to be left unharmed, and handed over to the police. With a few forced coughs, Roosevelt determined via the lack of blood that the bullet had not entered his lung, hence he did not require medical treatment right away. There was blood, however, seeping out of his chest wound. Roosevelt continued and completed his speech over the next eighty-four minutes.

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose” - Theodore Roosevelt

    Gerald Ford

    Despite his short and forgettable presidency, it seemed that a lot of people wanted to kill Ford while he was in office. Lynette Fromme, a follower of Charles Manson, drew a pistol and pulled the trigger on the president as he was shaking hands in the crowd on the steps of the California. Based off investigations and interviews, she claimed to have intended to plead with Ford about environmental concerns. However, the gun never fired and she was instantly restrained by the Secret Service. She refused to work with defense attorneys, claiming she “was not determined to kill the guy.” Prosecuting Attorney Dwayne Keyes specifically recommenced severe punishment because she was “full of hate and violence.” Fromme had previously thrown an apple at him, hitting him in the nose and knocking off his spectacles. She was sentenced to life in prison.

    Less than three weeks later, another gun was pulled on Ford. Sara Jane Moore fired a shot from about forty (40) feet away, missing due to a bystander grabbing her arm and throwing off her aim. Strangely enough, Moore had been serving as an FBI informant for a charity owned by publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst before making the attempt on the presidents life (this glows super hard). In a 2009 interview, she stated her intention was to spark a violent revolution in order to bring change to America.

    Fromme and Moore remain the only two women to have ever attempted to [REDACTED] the president of the United States, leading to the following conclusion - Gerald Ford is the least popular president among women, ever.