Great Moments in American History
Two days ago, two hundred and forty eight years ago, Thomas Jefferson dipped a quill into his inkwell for the final time as a colonist. With the final brushstroke of his signature in place, the American Declaration of Independence was complete. Jefferson leaned back in his chair and cracked open a beer - he and John Adams bumped knuckles. They handed the four page document to George Washington, who began to skim. Washington was unable to stop nodding his head, repeatedly saying "Let's go" and "So true" under his breath.
The three men ran up the stairs of the Philadelphia Statehouse, swinging open a door to find a seventy (70) year-old Ben Franklin oiling a printing press in preparation. “It's done,” said Jefferson. Franklin took a deep breath - he knew what Jefferson had been doing downstairs. Now that Jefferson had finished, he knew he was going to need to make a lot of copies - but this was expected. Franklin stood up, looking at the floor at first before facing the rest, then saying “Let's f****** do this.”
This is, more or less, the moment where the nation was born. The Revolution began. It also is our first 'Great Moment' of American History.
1. The Signing of the Declaration of Independence
Forty or so representatives from around the colonies were gathered in Philadelphia that day, each would read and sign the document. While the draft had been completed on June 2nd, it took a few extra days for everyone to come to a consensus on parts of the language. But a mere 48 hours later, they had reached an agreement - the text of the document was deemed to be True and Good, and the representatives began to sign. Known narcissist John Hancock wrote his name very big at the bottom of the page, much to the dismay of everyone else. All of the representatives felt it was in bad taste.
The contents of the document, however, were still true, solid, and agreed upon. Within days they had made five hundred thousand (500,000) copies. Town Criers, struggling for work since the wide-spread adoption of the printing press, were kept busy for weeks. Pony Express riders brought the good word to the most remote areas of the colonies. Voice Actors recited the Declaration over AM Radio in several major cities to inform the urban populace, while coastal Americans were made aware by sky-writing pilots who wrote out short-but-effective bullet-point summaries over beaches of America. The People were Free.
2. Design and Creation of the American Flag
Sally Hemmings was mostly focused on street-wear design and fashion when the founding fathers approached her to create what would become the American Flag. At this point in her career, she was mainly known in the colonist fashion industry for her groundbreaking work contemporizing the powdered wig. She had some pieces worn in major events, most notably the uniform worn by the Militia General during the “Shot Heard 'Round the World.” Rumor had it she also designed and created the clothes worn by Paul Revere during his famous “the British are coming” ride, although this was never proven. Her true passion, however, was vexillology.
When the proverbial Federal Sewing Needle fell into her hand, she had in her brain a lot of critiques of existing colonial flags, along with a host of ideas on what the fledgling nation's banner could be. She was of the opinions that many of the classic banners of Europe were too graphic. She did not like specific designs such as animals or plants on a flag, as this made it possible for the flag to become outdated if the displayed organism went extinct or evolved to the point were it was unrecognizable. She was also concerned with nicknames that the flag could be given. Massachusetts' flag, for example, doesn't have any nicknames. What would you call it, the “white and symbol?” No, this wouldn't do for a nation with an ambition such as the U.S.A.
She put together the first prototype with scraps from her cargo-pant line. Laying out the textiles, she decided on thirteen (13) lines for the thirteen (13) colonies. “Stripes,” she said aloud. What rhymes with stripes? Nothing that is related to design, Sally realized. What about alliteration? Americans are the best, right? We're stars. Sally attached the new flag to a thirty (30) foot pole, and ran through the streets of the capital, waving it to and fro. The people cheered - the loyalists cried. America was now on the map.
3. The Louisiana Purchase
Highway robbery - damn Frenchies didn't know what hit 'em.
4. Moon Landing
We choose to go to the Moon not because it is easy, but because it is hard.
John F. Kennedy spoke those words in 1962, while America was getting a prolonged good ol' fashion spanking by the Soviets in the whole space-race thing. The nation needed a win - and launching a team of soldiers at super-sonic speeds towards the rock circling the planet was just the thing to do it. The federal government assembled an elite team of fighter jet pilots, akin to Top Gun, and started them on a rigorous training regimen that was necessary to survive on a rocket ship. The physical abilities of the candidates were important, of course, but not as important as their mental fortitude.
Would-be astronauts would be locked in rooms completely alone for weeks at a time. No human interaction, save for that of the voice on the other end of their radio. Mock-mission control technicians would chat with the candidates once or twice a day, gas-lighting them to the extreme. They would convince the astronaut that this was no test, and that they were actually in outer space. That they had been given anesthesia for take-off, and how they were just waking up now. Constant lies about how long they had been inside, and how long it would be until they would “land”. Other NASA scientists would dress up like aliens and beat on the windows of the model space-craft, speaking in a fake yet syntactically consistent language. Some of these NASA scientists were honest-to-goodness Nazis, so you can imagine how horrific it got. Most candidates could not handle such extremes, and were subsequently dismissed from service after the psychosis set in. Some would never recover.
For those who survived the strenuous training, a ceremony was held in Houston, hosted by the president himself. Each newly minted astronaut was given a small shirt pin that said “Shoot for the Stars!” and a temporary tattoo on their forearm of a streaking comet. One astronaut, a little known yet extremely talented military blimp pilot named Neil Armstrong, had an unusually strong grip when shaking the president's hand. With such an impression, Nixon turned to his advisors after the ceremony - “Put this man on the moon.”
Armstrong and two other astronauts were given CREAM security clearance, named after the metaphor “cream of the crop.” They headed off to the rocket for lift off, and within a few days they had made it to the moon's orbit. All that was left the small matter of decided who would be the ones who gets to go down to the moon - someone had to stay in the space craft (moon police are notoriously watchful of illegal parking). They decided to play a three way game rock-paper-scissors - whoever threw a sign that was different than the others would have to stay behind. Nixon, however, had given Armstrong an ace up his sleeve. You see, ASTRONAUT 1 had a subtle tell when playing rock-paper-scissors. If he threw with his left hand, it would be rock. If he threw with the right hand, it would be scissors. No one alive had ever seen ASTRONAUT 1 play paper.
With this inside knowledge, Armstrong and ASTRONAUT 2 piled in the lander and began their descent. They got out and surveyed the area - they couldn't believe that they had done it. They were on the moon, and the whole world was watching. America was back, baby. Armstrong pulled out the American flag, and planted the pole in the soft moon dust. Both astronauts saluted.
One small step for man…. One giant leap for mankind.
Lindsey's Patriotic New England Facts
Lindsey Alpaugh
Hi Mattheads,
It's Lindsey, a local Brooklyn FOM (Friend of Matt). In celebration of the Fourth of July, Matt asked me to share some of my patriotic sentiment for my homeland, New England. As Jonathan Richman sang best, I might be prejudiced, but it's true, I love New England best. From the Green Mountains to Buzzards Bay, I am lucky to have grown up in the most gorgeous, northeastern-most part of the country. For all its beauty, it is a quirky little place. In honor of Tom Brady, here are 12 things you probably don't know about New England:
- The Boston Celtics just won the 2024 NBA Championship (yay!). At 18 banners, they are the most-decorated team in the NBA.
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Boston had the first subway system in the United States, opening in 1887. Charlie on the M.T.A. is a very scary song they made us learn in elementary school. The 1949 campaign tune protested a new rule requiring a nickel to get off the train, and tells the story of a man named Charlie who was doomed to ride the T until he died. It really freaked me out as a kid, and honestly still does a little bit.
Did he ever return?
No he never returned
And his fate is still unlearn'd
Poor Charlie!
He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned.
- The Massachusetts state rock is Roxbury Puddingstone, yum!
- The New Hampshire State motto is Live Free or Die, which is why they're like that.
- According to Chowdaheadz.com, New Hampshire's own Franklin Piece was voted the fifth 'sexiest' president.
- My little brother Landon lives in Maine, and I love him soooooo much :heart:
- In Freeport, Maine, there is a giant L.L. Bean boot outside the flagship store. It's a men's size 410.
- Dead serious, Vermont was briefly its own country.
- I asked my coworker Josie for a Vermont fact (Hi Josie) and she said that they have a Champlain Lake monster named Champ.
- I don't like Connecticut very much.
- Back when Massachusetts was the Massachusetts Bay Colony, they would banish people to Rhode Island. Thats why they're like that.
- A Cabinet is a Rhode Island delicacy.
I hope you all enjoy a raspberry lime rickey wherever you are this week!
xoxo Lindsey
My Afternoon at Micro Center
Matt
A visit to a brick-and-mortar Micro Center®: Computer and Electronics store is arguably the most enjoyable experiences any tech-shopper can have. The brand has garnered a mythological status in certain circles, known widely for their unmatched customer service and great prices. Most notably, however, is the fact that the company does absolutely zero online business - all products they sell can only be bought from a physical Micro Center location (Note: this policy has since changed since the pandemic, but the mystique remains). It gave technology enthusiasts another aspect in which they could consider themselves “lucky” - by living within driving distance to one of their 27 US locations.
In this aspect, however, I was born slightly unlucky. The closest Micro Center to me growing up was about two hours away. It never made any sense to haul down just to buy PC parts, and any potential savings I'd see by buying hardware there was negated by gas and toll prices. It wasn't like I needed to go there, I could get all my cords and things locally and buy the more major stuff online. Micro Center, at that point, was just a name I'd see on computer component discount forums, sadly knowing I couldn't reasonably take advantage of their offerings.
There came a point last year when I decided to upgrade a component in my desktop. My c.2011 graphics card was turning the computer into more of a space heater after one of the fans went out, and I asked my friend Micheal “DoublA” Ipovich what he thought of the situation over a game of chess.
“Yeah, let's get you a new graphics card, the Micro Center is only like 20 minutes on the train.”
I was shocked, mostly at myself. Of course there's a Micro Center, it's New York City! How had I not looked into that, having lived here for over six months! I quickly checkmated Mike, and we took the R train down to Industry City-ish, walked up. The automatic doors parted to grant access.
The first impression is amazing. You can think of it kind of like a Best Buy, but it doesn't feel like your sense of vision is under attack by all of the screens and tech. There is no feeling of people trying to sell you on things - more to help you get what you need. It looks more like a warehouse, but everything neatly packed on the shelves with descriptive signs hanging over every aisle. You have your standard Apple area, Windows area, TV area, etc. As you travel deeper into the store, you get to the more intense stuff - the custom PC parts/components area, soldering and wire kits, and a host of micro-controllers. On top of all that, the sell literally every single cord you can imagine. I have theorized the existence of cords before, unsure of if they actually exist in nature. One stop to the Micro Center, they freaking have it. I'm getting ahead of myself, though.
Immediately, you come into contact with a several well-dressed and knowledgeable employees. They are very visibly having a good time, laughing a bit, someone just told a joke, you see that through the glass automatic door. It is a great vibe to enter! They'll greet you and, unless you look like sole-focus-know-what-you're-doing-there, they ask you if you need any help. Thinking we knew more than we did, Mike and I waved their offer and headed back into the custom components section to compare graphics cards
Seemingly by design, whenever we had a question about what we were looking at an employee would appear. And he'd not only give us the answer, but then additional information that we could consider, extremely applicable information at that! Every single one was exactly the type of nerd that you would want helping you with such a decision - endless amounts of knowledge and passion. This was the kicker - several times we found ourselves with a question, and other customers were stopping, listening to our problem, and helping us! With just as much detail and helpfulness as the employees! It was entire building full of computer nerds, probably a combined 80 years of Tech YouTube watch-time, 30 years of Linus Tech Tips alone. I left with and AMD Raedeon card that couldn't be more perfect for my uses and a smile on my face, eager for another reason to go back to this wonderful store.
It wouldn't be until I moved into my new apartment did I find myself with another need to go back to Micro Center. I was rigging up a rather outdated projector + original Xbox + soundbar with very few common connections (read: Lots of Adapters!). On top of that, I was trying to get a bit creative on how to leverage some existing cords running through my apartment to provide an Ethernet connection to my desktop, which itself is/was wired up in a particularly cool way so that it can be kept in the bedroom closet and out of the way, while all the wires run out from the closet to my desk and monitors. It should all work, in theory.
I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about technology, but there are two areas in which I have a severe, self-identified lack of knowledge.
I don't really understand how speakers work, or how a set of speakers connect to each other. I also don't really understand how analog vs digital is a thing, if it's all going through an electronic device, which is inherently digital (vinyl records are excluded from this confusion).
Cable cord (?) goes into modem (?), then router, then it spits Wi-Fi?
In my new apartment projects, both of these would come into play. Thankfully, there was a place where expertise existed around every corner. Also, it was just around the corner! My new apartment is walking distance from the Brooklyn Micro Center. It's kind of a crazy feeling, I'd compare it to living next to a sort of Disney Land, but it never gets old and you always love going there, and instead of children it's full of like-minded nerds.
For the Closet PC project, I was getting a bit technical with the USB standards that were going to my desk. You see, not all USB ports are built the same. The USB standard goes back over 20 years, with a core focus being keeping the overall shape and form factor identical to the original USB specification. They look and function exactly the same. Over time, however, engineers were able to pack more fun stuff into a single USB slot! Faster data transfer speeds, the ability to deliver power over the cord would come in the USB 2.0 specification, and further improved with the USB 3.0 specification (Pro Tip - if you have a USB port/cord with some blue plastic inside, you have a USB 3.0 port! Make sure to take advantage of it!)
It was at this point, however, where the naming conventions started getting a bit silly, and the specification looser than desired. You started seeing crap like USB 3.1, USB 3.1X, USB 3.2, blah blah blah. Some of these did power delivery - others didn't! Some could transfer display data, while others were able to bus a wired internet connection. Some ports wouldn't work well if the device connected needed power over USB. Knowing I needed some expert input, I drafted the following sketch to give context to my problem
The Micro Center associate and I waxed about these standards, standing over a wall of adapters, repeaters, and extenders. A relatively technical conversation about my needs and wants lead to the selection of a seven-port USB hub with an additional power delivery cable running in. “I think you're gonna be really happy with this,” he said.
For the Xbox-Projector audio project, I was completely out of my depth. My gut instinct was to buy a thirty foot 3.5mm analog cord (AUX), but that felt silly. Surely those cords must lose some fidelity, or something along those lines. Why hadn't I seen a cord of this length anywhere else? The conclusion was that there must be a better way. Another sketch, and I felt ready to present my problem to an associate.
Much less detailed, sure, but all the information was there. I explained the fact that I didn't know what I was doing and needed recommendation. In the matter of a minute, I was led to the audio cord section. The associate grabbed two cords and an adapter from the shelving. “This should get it working, but if not, come back and we'll sort it out.” I knew, as always, I was in good hands.
Fast forward to last week - finally, another need to visit the Micro Center. Sure, I'd go there for fun about once a month just to look around. Potentially get some inspiration for a new project or tech-thing I could do. I was coming off of a sixty-hour laptop-research session bordering on psychotic episode, and was ready to make my purchase. I was already pretty sure of what the exact item I wanted - the whole inventory of each Micro Center is available on their website. There is, however, no replacing the hands-on feel test that would need to be conducted in-person on-site.
I walked in and was greeted by one of the previously mentioned well dressed associate. “I want to buy a Lenovo Thinkpad,” I said. With a single nod from the associate, we were off to the laptops. He brought out several models for me to compare, explaining some of the nuances that I hadn't considered. I picked out a refurbished X1 Carbon Gen 3, factory refurbished. “Good choice.” The confidence was contagious.
An efficient checkout had me headed towards the door less than twenty five minutes from the moment I entered. However, standing in my way was the associate who had helped me, along with another man slightly better dressed than the average associate. It was the manager.
He extended his hand for a shake, and thanked me for choosing Micro Center. He acknowledged the fact that consumers have a lot of options when buying computer parts, and that customers such as I are core to the business they run. I responded, saying that when it comes to customer service, there is no other option.
Next time you find yourself needing some tech, consider Micro Center®: Computer and Electronics on 3rd Avenue and 31st Street, Brooklyn NY. I can't recommend it enough!
Editor's Note: Matt's Newsletter has not received any gifts nor compensation for this article - Matt is simply a huge fan.
Glizzy Gladiator Shunned By Big Hot Dog
Cory Roebuck
Joey Chestnut, a guy who's loved by the people. A guy with a paper shredder as a mouth. A guy who's taking down 141 hard boiled eggs in eight minutes. A man who holds over 50 world eating records. From hot dogs to pie to…brains? This man can eat it all. Chestnut is one of the greatest “athletes'' of all time. But, every year he competes in one event in particular, Nathan's Famous Hot Dog eating contest. A contest that happens every year on the fourth of July. Since the early 70's, this event has become an American classic. People from around the world come and compete in this eating contest in hopes of winning a grand prize of ten thousand dollars and a sponsorship with Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs. This event isn't just a big deal for Chestnut or the other competitors, but for the American people.
Chestnut's relationship with Nathan's Famous Hot Dog eating contest dates back to his first contest in 2005. In the beginning of Chestnut's career, he faced some hardship before turning into an absolute menace against the competition. Meet Takeru Kobayashi, a fierce contender in the competitive eating world. Kobayashi and Chestnut first competed when Chestnut was entering his career. The first four years Chestnut was continually defeated by Kobayashi. Until 2009, which ended up in a tie, resulting in an eat off. The tie breaker eat off challenged both competitors to eat five hot dogs as fast as they could. Finally, Chestnut took the victory. From here on out Chestnut began his rampage in winning the contest. For Kobayashi this wasn't the end as he would end up winning other events within his career before deciding to retire in May 2024.
“It was hard for me to take competitive eating serious at first. When I made people happy, I became addicted to that. It's been a fun, fun ride.”
A quote from Joey Chestnut to show that he is all about the people and his love for competitive eating. Earlier this year, Chestnut decided to take a sponsorship with a rival hot dog brand. A brand that most people would say “it's not even a hotdog”. Chestnut took a deal with Impossible Foods. A plant base product that replaces meat or poultry. Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs did not like this decision, they actually despised this decision. A man who represented everything for the eating community and the famous contest had turned his back on the all beef product that families have been eating since the dawn of time. This decision from Chestnut would ultimately get him banned from eating in the event. This shocked the world. Men were asking why, Women were gathering their children while the kiddos were crying. Everyone was upset with Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs.
Chestnut's decision to pair up with a competitor like Impossible Foods was something he's been wanting to do. The reason for doing this was to show people that there is an alternative than just chowing down on greasy hot dogs. Another reason, that most people don't talk about, is that this was a massive deal for Chestnut. A deal that could make him forever financially stable. See in the competitive eating scene, there isn't that much money to live off of, so athletes commonly find sponsors for another source of income. Chestnut got an offer he couldn't refuse and it's with a company that he believes in and thinks that his supporters will too.
This outcome with Chestnut and Nathan's Famous Hot Dog is damning for all the supporters in the sport and Americans who love this tradition. Chestnut is still optimistic with the situation and plans to compete in a hot dog eating contest on the fourth of July in New Mexico. Chestnut should be able to go and defend his title against the world instead of being dethroned because of other people's beliefs.
”I think food brings people together, and it makes people happy.” - Joey Chestnut.
Live From Highway 1 Highway 395N - Inside the R.V.
The boys have called a Recreational Vehicle (R.V.) home for the past three (3) days. It is super kickass. We have eaten seven (7) one-pound bags of tortilla chips. Two nights ago, we cooked (4) steaks on one and a half (1.5) pans. Last night, we cooked (10) burgers. We have taken zero (0) poops in the R.V. Three (3) bell peppers eaten as you would eat an apple. A twelve (12) by twelve (12) vehicle. Four (4) lads absolutely killing it.
Here is a photo of the cockpit - everyone has been doing a very good job driving!
Here is a photo of Matt in the writers room, hard at work putting the polishing touches on the issue you're currently finishing reading.
Here is a spatchula we made to flip the burgers.
