Being a Rug Owner - The First Thirty Days
Embracing Homegoods (not the store)
I've found recently that there are many, many simple things that you can get that will make your life significantly better, essentially overnight. Things that are outrageously common, yet somehow had never crossed my mind to get.
It all started with the bedframe I got at the beginning of this year that had both head and foot boards. Not since high-school had I had a bed with those features. Sure, I upgraded to a full size when I went to college, but that frame lacked board nor any defined boundries. A moving mattress resulted in pillows that slowly sank into the growing gap been the bed and the wall. Not ideal!
So when I got this new frame, it felt like I was sleeping on some sort of throne. Perched higher, an added feeling of safety as I slept, with some solid hardware reinforcing my pillows, I started to wonder what other basic homegoods I was missing out on. Curtains perhaps, or maybe new lightbulbs that aren't as harsh as the ones I have now.
Thinking about this, I went to get up out of bed, swung my legs to the side, and placed them down on the not-warm, hard floors that span the majority of my apartment.
Origins of Rugs
The term rug was first used in English in the 1550s, originally meaning some sort of coarse fabric. Likely stemming from the Old Norse rogg, it meant some sort of personal covering before later evolving into our modern definition of "a mat on the floor" in the early 1800s. In some circles, rug is used interchangably with the term carpet. However, anyone with half a brain knows this is incorrect as carpets are attached to the floor and the size of the room, where as a rug is smaller than the room and can be moved around.
Evidence of humans weaving goat and sheep wool goes back over 9,000 years, but it is not until the 5th Century BC do we find the oldest suriving rug - The Pazyryk Carpet, pictured above. Found in the mountains of Siberia, it is roughly six feet by six feet and features griffins around the border. The eminent authority of ancient carpets, Ulrich Schurmann, says of it, "From all the evidence available I am convinced that the Pazyryk rug was a funeral accessory and most likely a masterpiece of Armenian workmanship".
Rugs and rug-making would travel far and wide, with unique styles found across Europe and Asia. A consensus has been reached amongst top scholars regarding the reason for this global popularity - Rugs Rock!
Pre-Rug Worries
First and foremost, I did not want to get a rug I didn't like. I didn't really even know what I was looking for in a rug - my understanding was that there existed the spectrum between shaggy and short, but other than that, no clue. Nothing would make this worse than me rushing to buy a rug, and being disappointed. What materials was I looking for? How big?
Most objects in my life I truly love tend present themselves rather than me actively looking. Side of the road, Craiglist, weird auction websites, are the sources of much of the contents of my apartment. There was no way I was going to buy a rug new, and I wasn't really aware of any reputable rug re-sellers. When I decide I want to get something, I normally have some insane luck of that object appearing in my life within a matter of months or weeks. I could bide my time.
The next issue I'd have to address is that of cleaning. A pretty good Swiffer cadance, along with declaring my apartment shoe free, meant that I was living on some of the cleanest floors I had in years. A new rug would mean some new chores and a necessity to add of a vaccuum to the Arsenal. However, my normal operations give a chance a problem would happen that a vaccuum couldn't solve.
Despite recent improvements, my historical track-record with spills and drops is pretty bad. Here is a non-exhaustive list of things that I have spilled on a rug/carpet throughout my life
I've been major-spill free for years, however, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon.
A Rug of One's Own
Within a few months, I had found it. A massive rug, exactly the width of my bedroom, great design, perfect thickness, affordable price. Beautiful bordering, with a primary color that is nearly a perfect match with the color of my wood paneling walls. The cherry on top - a second rug that perfect for the living room in the same auction! A competitive bidding war ensued through the evening, which saw me and my friend Wells gunning after a total of three rugs. A hard fought victory lead us to planning the pick-up with help from our friend Sydney. I also got a chess table, but that is a story for a different issue.
Hauling these rugs back to Brooklyn, I was positively giddy. We arrived at my apartment and ferried them up the stairs and plopped down in the center of my kitchen. I high fived Wells, thanked him for his help, and began to unfurl. But how are you supposed to lay out a rug when you have a ton of furniture already? Does it all need to get moved? That would be a huge hassel! And even if I could lift the furniture and slide the rug past the thing making contact with the floor, this does not address the need to have the rug evenly distributed, rug adjustments, etc.
I am proud to unveil my new technique for doing this - the Wheel Barrow Method. This method is perfect when you are trying to undo a rug under some object that has thin legs, such as a bed frame or nightstand. It does not something that sits more flat on the ground, such as a bookshelf.
Basically, you undo the rug as much as you can. Lift the furniture and get the far end of the rug underneath. There will probably be a big sinch/fold of rug that has not gone under - this is where the method comes in. Sit on the rug with your legs extended, the put your palms on the ground and lift yourself up like an inch. With both heels still making contact with the ground, put each foot on either side of the furniture leg. Move forward and back to smooth out the rug from under the furniture leg. You can tell if you're doing it right by seeing if the rug starts flattening out - if it doesn't you are doing it wrong. We plan to publish our method in appropriate journals by year's end, but if you feel as if this information can help your own research, do not hesitate to reach out.
Executing the Wheel Barrow Method and some casual kicking over the course of thirty minutes did the job - and the results were immediate. It was so amazing. The first thought was like "wow, this is so much more a apart-home now rather than an apart-house." The floor was downright comfortable - normally I lay on the floor in a neutral-bad way, like if I want to straighten out my back or if I'm too hungover. Here, it was a delight! I sprawed out, made rug-angels, it was awesome.
Fun Rug-Based Phrases
Next time you're hanging out with your friends, you can try some of these fun, metaphorical phrases that involve rugs:
Post-Rug Reality
Wake up, turn off radio. Yawn. Rub eyes. Throw off covers, reset pillows, swing legs out. Rug.
It was a treat the first morning, toes touching down first on a rug really set a tone for the rest of the day. Looking around my room, I was still in a state close to awe regarding how much better it looked and felt. Circumnavigating the bed, each step better than the last. Walls were so easy to hang art/objects on, the floor not so much. The solution? A rug! And this was my new reality.
There was a feeling that the amount of livable space in my apartment increased greatly. I'd go from bed to kitchen, kitchen to couch, couch to desk, etc. But it felt as if each of these spaces were islands, inbetween was wasteland that I would try to minimize my time in. With the rugs, the wasteland turned to lush meadow that I enjoyed my time traversing. I am a big apartment-pacer, and this revolutionized what I already thought was a great experience. There was also an added feeling of stability. My footsteps were quieter, things creaked less. My nightstand would no longer move if I accidently hit it with my knee. The rug held it all together.
It has now been just over thirty days since I got these rugs, and I'm not looking back. Rugs are a 24/24 should get for anyone trying to improve their space, or just want a more comfortable floor-laying experience. I have zero regrets.
The Mercury in My Closet
A few months ago I got an old thermometer from like the 1940's. It came in a pen-sized metal case + pocket clip. You'd unscrew the top, and out you pull a thermometer! Very fun. Until I dropped it. It technically got knocked off my desk, but I put it there knowing full well I was placing it near a bunch of cords going to into my laptop, so I'll take that one. The glass shattered immediately, albeit contained in the metal case. Carefully picking it up and removing the cap showed a bunch of shards of glass, mercury pooling at the bottom.
Who even gets mercury poisioning anymore? I think it's just tinned-fish eaters. But still you have to eat so much tinned fish! It's not like people have mercury thermometers breaking in their mouths anymore, and no one huffing the mercury in their smoke detectors. How do you even get mercury poisioning for that matter? Do you have to eat it? Or, I guess it's a liquid, drink it? Does it vaporize in some way, should I keep this thing capped? What even is mercury poisioning? Is there an antidote? What are the symptoms, should I be watching out for symptoms?
My immediate solution was to put the cap back on tight, then put the whole apparatus in a plastic zipper bags. Needed to do some research on what I was to reasonably do about this. Obviously can't throw it in the trash... right? Yeah, you totally can't. I don't know of any "mercury disposal" locations, do I have to go to local poision control? Feel like they should be coming to me idk.
Through research, I quickly learned the seriousness of a leak - apparently you can't really clean it up, you just cover up the area and then you have to call some people. There is the whole thing of "well if it's a small amount of mercury it's not a problem," but that wasn't a game I wanted to play. It doesn't really absorb to a paper towel, so you have to use some sort of pipette or vaccuum. Keep in mind it's a liquid, so it will sink into wood and other porous surfaces. Then what, replace the floor boards? Added another zip locs after learning this information.
I also found that it is actually not that easy to get mercury poisioning. You need to actually ingest it, or have it go through a cut or something. Plus, you need a ton of it in your system for it to be serious. Vapors are of no concern unless you're putting mercury in a bag and huffing it. Unfortunately, any amount that does get in your system seems to not really leave. Human body did not evolve to dispose of this stuff.
The bagged thermometer needed to go somewhere, it couldn't stay it leaned up against the window sill. I was worried about it leaking out if it was sat flat, so some sort of hang or lean system was necessary. After testing some subpar options, a pretty decent one presented itself in my closet - a small gap between a nailed-in shelf and another piece of wood, where I could slip the zipper in between and have it hang without issue. I also figured this would force me to deal with it faster than I normally deal with things - it would be right there in my face every morning.
Research was going steadily, and then I was brought down the rabbit hole of "Mercury Youtube." People online doing all sorts of wacky things with mercury, and lots of the stuff. People sticking their hands in it, people trying to stand on tubs of it. People floating traditionally heavy objects such as anvils and anchors on the surface of a mercury pool. Hundreds and hundreds pounds of flowing through a toliet via a flush, the porcelain shaken to it's limits. It wasn't so much "people" as it was one guy, but it was awesome and I was really happy with what I saw.
At this point, I knew I couldn't bring myself to dispose of the mercury. Mercury can be very fun, and honestly seems relatively safe as long as you contain it well! It's a liquid metal, like what??? Plus, where am I ever going to get more mercury? The game became how to move this mercury to a more sustainable location.
I decided I needed some cool container with a strong cap, and a funnel. Though a business-as-usual thrift store outing, I picked up a little amber glass container that was allegedly a former pharmacy bottle. The funnel, however, would not come for many months. There hung the thermometer in my closet, my brain began to tune it out and I'd forget it's there. Sure, I'd check for leaks once a week, twice a month minimum, but it was out of sight out of mind. Or more accurately, in my sight, but out of mind. No leaks, no problem, that's what the internet told me.
That is, until this week. After deciding my readership would be disappointed with an ending such as "And So it Hangs", I decided it was finally time to move the mercury to its new home. With glass bottle, funnel, and a pot to catch any spills, I set up an outdoor pour-station, unwrapped the thermometer, and prepared for the transfer.
There was an issue immediately that I hadn't considered - theres a ton of glass in there. I can't just dump, I don't know how big all the glass is. Then, if I ever want to play with the mercury, there would be glass inside. Very dangerous! I figured the solution was to do a side pour, similar to how you would a beer. That should catch the glass as it would fall out, as no one piece was smaller than the gap between the thermometer top and the funnel.
I unscrewed the thermometer and took out the broken top piece of the thermometer. Setting that in the pot, I tipped the whole thing into the funnel and... nothing came out. Hell, nothing was even loose in there. I honestly have no idea why this was the case. Re-attaching the cap, I then banged the thermometer against my stoop for a few seconds, seemlying knocking loose the contents. But when I go to pour again, still nothing came out.
This repeated for sometime, until it was deemed fruitless. I had gotten one singular drop of mercury in my bottle, with a ton of glass still in the container. I closed the container and returned it to it's plastic bag - the true transfer would likely require some more advanced techniques rather than the simple pour, and have to come another day.
How should I get the glass and mercury out of the thermometer case? I'm being serious, I'm out of ideas! Let us know by replying to this email with your plan.
The Chess Column - Who Needs a Bishop when you have three Pawns?
How to read Chess Notation
https://www.chess.com/emboard?id=11910729
Game Annotation
- e4 ... c5
- g3 ... g6
- Bg2 ... Nc6
- c3 ... Nf6
- b3 ... Ng7
- h3 ... d6
- Bb2 ... O-O
- Ne2 ... Bd7
- O-O ... h5
- d3 ... h4
- g4 ... Nxg4
- hxg4 ... Bxg4
- f3 ... Bd7
- Nf4 ... Be5
- Qd2 ... Kg7
- c4 ... Rh8
- Bxe5+ ... Nxe5
- Nh3 ... Qc8
- Kh2 ... b5
- Nc3 ... bxc4
- bxc4 ... Rb8
- bxc4 ... Rb8
- Nd5 ... e6
- Nc3 ... Qa6
- Nc3 ... f6
- Nb5 ... Bxb5
- cxb5 ... g5
- Bf1 ... Ne5
- Kg2 ... Kf7
- Nf2 ... Ke7
- Nd3 ... Kd7
- Nxe5+ ... fxe5
- a4 ... d5
- Kh3 ... c4
- Kg4 ... c3
- Bd3 ... d4
- a5 ... Kd6
- Kh3 ... Kc5
- Kg2 ... c2
- Bxc2 ... Kxb5
- Bb3 ... Kxa5
- Bxe6 ... Kb4
- Kf2 ... Kc3
- Ke2 ... Kc2
- Bc4 ... a5
- Kf2 ... a4
- Kg2 ... d3
- Kf2 ... d2
- Bb5 ... a3
- Ba4+ ... Kc1
- Ke2 ... a2
- Bb3 ... a1=Q
- Be6 ... Qd4
- Bb3 ... d1=Q+
- Bxd1 ... Qxd1+
The King's pawn is the most popular opening move in chess, and my response c5 is considered the most aggressive counter. This position is the beginning of the Sicilian Defense, an opening I've been trying to learn after playing to many Exchange French games (i.e. Boring!).
Moving the King's Knight pawn to g6 signifies the Accelerated Dragon set-up; I like playing this because the bishop starts sniping immediately, while the player with the white pieces is playing some funky mirror position. This is not normal, and is likely bad for white for some reason I don't know.
Okay, so I'm feeling pretty good at this point. I'm no theory-head, but Opponent is wasting time/making unnecessary moves with their pawns on the side of the board, meanwhile I've gotten most of my pieces out and ready to rock. Black's position here just looks much nicer, more harmonious. White's pieces are in the way of each other. After a couple more moves, we will have left the Opening stage of the game.
I thought my opponent was wasting time here, so I decided to bring the fight to him. These side-of-the-board flank pawn pushes are know as the AlphaZero move, a god like chess computer that was better than anything that came before it. For ~500 years, these crazy pawn pushes were considered horrible, until AlphaZero pulled a "Erm Ackshually" in 2016 and showed that they kinda kick ass. However, there is a reason why humans considered the concept bad - it is incredibly easy completely mess up and get a losing position. Or worse, your opponent turning the tables and firing the attack back at you! By playing this move, and my next move h4, I am saying that this game will end with one of us winning - a draw is now off the table. YOLO, right?
Now things are getting really spicy. I continued with the AlphaZero pawn push with my move h4, and my opponent didn't want my rook in the corner to start cooking, so he pushed his pawn rather than take mine. But I see he has lame pieces over on his queen side, and I really want my rook to get cookin', so I decide to sack the knight. I get two pawns from the trade, taking the second pawn with my bishop in the next move. That isn't quite enough, but the activity of my pieces makes up for it (in theory).
Now, my game plan is to just get as many of my pieces aimed at the enemy king as fast as possible. White has an extra piece, so their game plan is simply to trade all of my pieces away. Because when the dust settles, they will have a knight and I won't, which is winning by matter of technique. I need to keep pieces on the board to keep winning chances alive.
So my opponent has been successful in trading some of the pieces away, but it's kind of OK because he traded his sniper bishop in the corner for my lame-ish bishop, which I immediately replaced with a knight! I still have enough pieces to continue the attack.
Well, never mind. He managed to get his night back to stop me from progressing my pawn. Backwards knight moves are hard to see! My attack at this point is completely stopped, and I am completely losing. All he needs to do now is trade the pieces and eat my pawns. Not really knowing what to do, I shuffle pieces and, in a few moves, start launching pawns on the other side of the board.
Ok, so in the past six moves I've been trying to open up a lane for my rook. Now my rook is on the file, my queen is in a "better" spot on the edge of the board. At least here she might be able to sneak in through the back. Additionally, I've kicked his knight back to his side of the board. If the knight ever finds a comfortable square on my side, I'm in trouble.
Ok, we're back. I managed to win a third pawn, but in the process I traded off every piece. This is theoretically a draw at this point, because One Bishop = Three Pawns. Will I be able to draw it? Probably not, unless he messes up in a major way. My game plan now is to push pawns up the board - if one makes it through, it becomes a queen.I know I said trading pieces was bad in my position, but this knight was going to dog me if it I allowed it to live. But with that last pawn move, I've kinda locked his knight down. His knight will need to take a round-about path to get back into the game.
Ok, here we go. Three pawns for the bishop - the name sake of the article. If I can slam my pawn clump up the center of the board, I win. Notice that he has a light square bishop, and all my pawns on the sides are on dark squares - the bishop can't touch them. I start to think I might have a shot of winning this.
The pawns are mobile - his king is stuck on the right side of the board because he has to make sure those pawns don't make a break for it. Here, I push my pawn and it can be taken by the bishop. However, it is a trick! If he takes (which he has to), I will win both of his pawns on the side.
This is now anybody's game. My king has entered the opponents territory, and will begin to guide both past-pawns to the promise land. Keep in mind, that if the opponent's king leaves the top right of the board, my pawn will sneak in up the flank.
Victory! With a queen on the board and my opponent's bishop gone, it's now just a matter of techinque. Checkmate will come very soon - it is almost impossible for me to lose at this point. I really like these games where there is a massive piece imbalance, makes things very exciting and fun to play.
What did you think about this game? Is there a specific opening you want to see Matt play? Let us know by replying to this email!
Live From Highway 1 - Inside the R.V.
In the upcoming weeks, Matt will be going on vacation with three of his best friends: Leon, Xander, and Wells. They will be traveling to sunny Los Angeles, California, before piling in a Recreational Vehicle (R.V.) and sending it to San Fransico and back over the course of seven days.
On this adventure, the boys are expecting to drink the most expensive cappuccino of their lives, toast tortillas right on the dashboard, and experience the natural wonder and beauty of central Cali. Make sure you're subscribed for live updates! Below are some images so that you can get an idea of what us being in LA will be like, provided by a Matt's Newsletter Subscriber.
